Black Past
by totem
Summary: Phoebe's has a past like us all...only it's one hell of a past that she has to fight with every day. That constant battle added to the battle of everyday life can not be good for anyone. How will she deal?
1. chapter 1

BLACK PAST

Prue 24  
Piper 22  
Phoebe 19  
Paige 18  
  
It was past twelve now and the oldest Halliwell was sat at the kitchen table flipping through some files from the auction house. Really she was just keeping busy not really getting much done because every few seconds she would look over to the clock.  
  
She looked over to see her sister walk in, "Hay Paige have you seen Phoebe?" The oldest asked.

Paige continued over to the fridge and took a bottle of water from it, and then she turned and headed to the table where Prue was sat, "Not since today. I was waiting up for her, you know see if she's okay."

Prue now closed the folders and paid full attention to Paige, "Why wouldn't she be?" She asked,

Paige shrugged, "It's just today, Phoebe and J had a big bust up, was not pretty" the youngest took a swig of water, before continuing. "She was really broken." Prue sighed, "What did he do now?" She asked, as if expecting what was to come.  
  
"He was just himself, but Phoebe was so stressed that she just, let him have it." "Yeah well maybe she realizes what a loser he is." Prue spoke, 

"It was just, he is not paying her any attention and I swear if he was my boyfriend I'd kill him. Phoebe's pretty low; stuff is just getting a bit too much. We were walking through the park today and happened to come across him, sitting on the grass, round some of his friends with some girl, head resting on his lap, she was all over him."

Prue was disgusted, "Are you kidding me?" She asked,

Paige shook her head, "No"

"Loser" Prue spoke, not fully believing what was just said, "What did he do?"

"Him and Phoebe had a full blown screaming match in front of everyone...she was really broken. He just blew her off and turned his back on her."

"After every thing she has been through"

Paige nodded, "Yep, and I am really worried she walked off today, and I have not seen her since."  
  
Prue stood to her feet, "Have you tried her mobile?" She asked.

Paige nodded, "Turned off" She explained.

"Prue I am really worried, she sobbed her heart out in my arms today. And now this, she'll break. She has always relied on him...how could he."

"Let's worry about that later" Paige nodded.

"Well look, you and I both know that Phoebe will be back when she is ready...so I think we should go and get some sleep." Paige reluctantly nodded and both headed upstairs.  
  
Three hours after this the front door flung open, staggering in was a very drunk Phoebe, her eyes not able to focus and her hands shaking as it gripped the near empty bottle of vodka. She walked through to the kitchen and found herself been pulled, by what can only be described as an invisible gravitational pull...or the need to numb the pain. But her final destination was the liquor cupboard in the corned. She through the empty vodka bottle onto the work surface. Knocking over various things in the process. Taking the large, bottle of whisky and walked towards the table she stumbled knocking the chairs to the floor. She just shook her head and undid the top off the bottle. Walking towards the back door she pushed it opened and staggered towards the deck chair, falling onto it she continued to drink...as she watched the night pass, she downed the alcohol in the bottle, it was comforting, bitter taste made her for get about everything...He life, her boyfriend and even her past. But only for one night as it would all flood back tomorrow.


	2. chapter 2

Part 2 – Black past  
  
Prue and Paige happened to come down from upstairs together, Piper had also dragged herself down not far behind them. As Paige walked in she pushed her hands through her reddish hair as she looked at the chaotic mess, "Shit" She cursed.

Prue and Piper were next to her in seconds also stunned, "He really messed her up?" Piper spoke.

The other two nodding, "Yeah but where is she?" Prue asked

Paige pointed towards the back door that was ajar, "One guess?" all three managed to get through the mess caused by Phoebe and to the back door, when it was pulled open they saw something that affected all of them deeply.  
  
Phoebe slumped into the chair, in her hand a bottle, empty. Prue was next to curse, "Shit, not now, not after everything" She made her way over to her sister, knelt in front of her and took her by the shoulders, "Phoebe, Wake up" Phoebe never stirred, Prue brought one hand up to her younger sisters face and slapped it gently but once she got no response she looked at the other two sisters, "She's gone, unconscious...Help me get her to bed..." Paige nodded and assisted in lifting Phoebe up, supporting her the managed to escort the drunk, unconscious Phoebe up the stairs with great difficulty.  
  
Prue and Paige put Phoebe onto her bed, and stepped back, Paige turned to the oldest, "He made her do this" Anger and hurt so evident, Paige swung around and headed for the door,

but Prue grabbed her arm, "wait where are, you..."

Paige pulled away, "To see him, I'm going to sort him out once and for all. He has walked all over our sister for the last time." With this she left, Prue unable to stop her. She sighed and walked over to the bed where she sat, staring at her younger sister.  
  
The smell of alcoho1 was so strong, Prue moved her hand to Phoebe's forehead, and stroked it, she was so hot, Damp with perspiration. "Baby, just sleep it off...It'll be okay Promise. Just, do not do anything stupid. You have made it through worse you'll get over him." With this the oldest made her way from the bedroom and back down to the kitchen.

* * *

Hours passed, Piper and Prue had cleared up the kitchen and not long ago the oldest had left to go to work. Piper was now sat alone, wondering where Paige had gone, worrying about both of the younger sisters, and at times even the oldest. Of course it was nothing new but, something was different she was un eased.  
  
Phoebe opened her eyes and groggily tried to block out the light, "Shit..." She mumbled, she could taste the alcohol in her dry mouth, she needed that taste again, that was her ultimate goal, to numb the pain that was coming back. She did not need any of this again, not now! As she managed to unsteadily get out of her bed and stumble towards the door, she decided that she needed to get washed and change cloths before anything so she did this.  
  
Piper was sat at the island in the kitchen, as she nursed a cup of coffee, not fit for consumption since she has had it in her hands for over an hour. She was pulled from her thoughts when Phoebe staggered in to the kitchen Piper stood up. The sister was now wearing a pair of blue jeans, with a tight white t-shirt her biker jacket over it.  
  
"Hay Phoebe" Piper attempted to talk to her just hoping he hadn't crushed everything they had worked so hard to regain after the accident, her sanity.

"Quiet...Head" Phoebe indicated for Piper to lower her voice,

"Oh sorry Phoebe" She apologized now in a whisper. But as she spoke she noticed in the direction Phoebe was heading. The younger pulled open the fridge and took out a bottle of beer;

Piper was on her in seconds. "I think you have had..."

Phoebe shot a glance at Piper, anger evident, "Enough of people telling me what to do"

Piper never backed off, "Just put the bottle down, I'll make some coffee."

"Paige, tell you?" She asked, getting of the subject of the alcoholic beverage that she so needed,

Piper nodded, "I'm sorry" she offered.

Phoebe nodded, "Yeah well, that's what happens when you give someone, everything that you are, you regret it, and you get hurt...I should have known that by now."

Piper put her hand on Phoebe's shoulder, "It's not always like that Phoebe, and J's a loser."

Phoebe shook her head, "No! I am a loser for thinking that anyone could love me."

* * *

"Do you know what you have done to her?" Paige screamed,

J continued to walk to his car, his back facing Paige, "I didn't do anything" he spoke emotionless,

Paige had had enough of this, she grabbed his arm and swung him around so he was against the car, "She came home in the early hours of the morning unable to stand up, she was so drunk that she passed out."

"How's it my fault that Phoebe is an alcoholic..."

"Do not talk about her like that..." Paige yelled in a threatening tone, "She deserves more from you."

"I do not see how this is any of your business." Paige took J's coat and pulled him closer to her, "I warned you at the beginning not to hurt her...She deserve a hell of a lot more than you"

J shook his head, "I loved her, but things are to hard, she always finds something wrong with me..."

"Well it isn't exactly hard is it? Look just stay, the hell away from my sister, do not call, or even attempt to see her..."

With this Paige turned walking away from J back to her...or should she say Piper's Jeep without looking back. She hared J scream, "You can't stop me" Paige just got in the Jeep and drove away.

* * *

Piper had managed to pry the beer away from Phoebe, with great difficulty and get her to sit down with a cup of coffee. Now the youngest had her head rested on her arms with Piper sitting by her side, "How about we talk?" Piper asked,"How about we don't" Phoebe shot back, "I do not want to talk about my damn excuse for a life."

Piper took this as a hint, "Okay then how about we get you something to eat..."

Phoebe stood up, "No, I'll be home later"

"Wait where are you going?" Piper asked,

"Out, I need to just get out of here."

Piper stood up, "I'll come with you"

Phoebe shouted, "No...I just need time alone." With this she turned around took her keys from the side and made her way towards the back door.

Piper walked after her trying to stop her, but as she put her arm on Phoebe's shoulder Phoebe shouted, "Just back off!" before making her way to the end of the street hoping into her excuse for a car.  
  
Piper turned and walked straight back into the house, she did not know what to do, she knew Phoebe could get very violent like this and fighting with her would only make things worse. She was concerned about the younger sister; she used to be so vibrant, so free spirited but lately she seemed so depressed. Piper had a feeling that it was much more than what happened with their Dad that had done this, it had to do with that no good boyfriend as well.

* * *

Hours had past and Phoebe was braking down completely, her head in her hands she rested her back against the car as she fell to her knees. She didn't know what was going on anymore everything had gotten too much for her... Her sisters were worried no doubt but, things were hard, really hard. She did not want them to see her like this, they had seen enough last time...it hurt them and she was not prepared to do that to them again.  
  
She looked over at the stillness of san Francisco as she sat on the Cliffside next to golden gate bridge, everyone looked so happy, the sun was out, heat poured down onto the streets of the town. Why was she not happy, why was she not allowed to be happy...Why did everything go so wrong.  
  
"You'd take me here, you'd show me that there is more to life than what I saw...What more to my life is there Dad, I feel so alone..." She was answered by silence, "Answer me damn it...tell me what to do." Again silence, "You, you promised it'd always be me and you, we'd stick together...well where, are you now?" Phoebe was now angered, enraged as her blood boiled, "I love you Dad" She screamed as her hands pulled open the car door and she got in, starting her engine she drove from the point and back onto the main road. Turning the volume on the car radio up full, Seether, Driven under plays she is consumed by the music as she in unaware as to what is going on around her. She remembers that day, two years ago, how she felt, what she saw it all flooded back.  
  
FB------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rain pouring, heart beating, head racing....  
Moments...seconds...so slow like minuets....  
Life changing minuets ones that could not be reversed...  
You said take a short cut...we went through the ally...Mistake...big mistake.  
  
Shadows cast, darkness consumes...HE screamed, threatened...  
Just give him the wallet, I told you too...WHY DID YOU NOT!  
The gun raised, blood sprayed my life...ended...  
  
They ran off down the ally, I screamed called out to you...my white shirt now covered in you life. I run to your fallen body, screaming, crying...hole through your chest, as your crimson life drained away. You placed your hand on my cheek...a begged...cried. I screamed as you faded, I felt as you left me...alone in that ally... 


	3. chapter 3

BTW: watch out forsome strong language...you have been warned  
  
Black Past – part 3  
  
Hours had past, she had been away from the manor all day just driving around. She had managed to control her pain, and decided it was best to go back, they would be worried.  
  
She pulled her car onto the driveway and noticed that it was not just her sisters in the house, 'Great' She thought, as she noticed Andy's car on the road Prue's boy friend, Luke's motor bike behind that, Paige's Boyfriend. and Craig's car across the road, he is Piper's boyfriend.

Phoebe stood from her car taking the bag off the seat next to her she walked up the steps and braced herself for what was to come once she pushed open the door.  
  
When she did she was greeted by silence and darkness, 'Must all be upstairs in their rooms' Her hopes were crushed with the sound of voices coming from the kitchen, she simply shut the door and made her way to where she needed to go, unfortunately it was right where her sisters where, with their men.  
  
She walked through the kitchen door, and glanced over at where all six of them were stood and sat, "Hay...just thought I'd tell you I'm back...and now, I'm going again you probably wont see me tonight." Phoebe spoke as she headed towards the door that lead to the basement before she could open it she hared Prue,

"Where were you" Phoebe turned to her, and also looked at the other people she did not need this now,

"leave it...Oh and when J comes around send him down to me"  
  
It was when Paige hared this that she stood to her feet out of the protective arms of Luke, "Are you fucking kidding me!" Phoebe knew this was coming,

"Paige just let him in"

"Why do you let him do this to you?" Paige asked,

"Look I did not ask for you to get involved...I just want you...to let the guy...in...the fucking house" She growled through gritted teeth.

Piper could tell that this was going to escalate if she never intervened, "Hay Paige, back off...Phoebe I'll let him in."

Phoebe nodded, "Great...thanks...that's all I ask" She muttered as she pulled the basement door open and walked down the steps.  
  
When it shut Paige erupted, "Are you kidding me, he'll send her crazy, he'll just hurt her..."

Piper looked at the youngest, "Maybe but we will be here for her, until then I suggest you do what she asks, you know that she'll snap if you question her."

"She will snap, Jesus, she's gone. Did you see all the liquor and beer?" Paige shot back.

Prue who had been silent through out all of this stepped forward, "Would you just let the guy in!" She shouted, "I have had enough of this, I'm going to bed."

"Prue that's Phoebe, you are letting a guy hurt Phoebe"

"Paige just let Phoebe's boy friend in to see her..." Prue turned around, "Did you hear that? He is her boy friend weather we like it or not...so just LET HIM IN!"

Paige through her arms up, "What ever..." Before she could say anymore the loud music that had just been switched on in the basement started to shake the house, Paige looked over to Piper and Prue... "She's going to let him hurt her...both you and I know it. Why won't you stop it..."

"It is not up to us to stop"

Paige stepped forward, "Well I'm sorry if I'm worried that my big sister is going to brake...that she is going to have a relapse and go into a fucking depression..."

"You aren't the only one" Prue shouted, "We have all been through the past two years together."

Paige sat down at the table, "So why do I feel so alone now?"

Piper stepped towards her but before anything could be said there was a nock at the back door.

Paige looked up at the oldest, "You better let her Boyfriend in then" Prue turned and walked over to the door.  
  
J stood waiting for the door to be opened so that he could take cover from the torrential rain, "Hay do you want to hurry this up?" He shouted at Prue through the closed doors.

Prue's anger was boiling by the time she opened the door. "J, Phoebe's waiting for you"

"I know, where is she"

"Basement" Prue instructed, as J walked past the oldest he looked across the kitchen to she Paige with Luke stood behind her head in her hands and Piper kneeling in front of her. Andy and Craig were in the opposite corner of the kitchen.  
  
"Hay guys...Hi Paige" He laughed,

Paige shot to her feet instantly, and tried to run at him only to find that Luke had her held back, "Hurt her, I'll hurt you" She screamed

J nodded, "Okay then." With this the guy pushed open the door and made his way down the steps.  
  
Luke let go of Paige who was now angrier than before, Piper looked at him as if asking him what to do...He moved to Paige, "Come on, let's go to the room...take a seat" Paige just let him lead her away.

Leaving Piper, Prue, Andy and Craig stood all looking at each other, "This is going to be one hell of a long night" Prue spoke.  
  
Phoebe was sat in the corner of the room, in her hand She had the vodka, unable to stop herself she had already downed it, half was already gone. The music was full blast sounding through out the manor. Every thing went so wrong, her life, all started to fall apart in that ally. As she sat there she wondered how differently things would have worked out if...they never went down the ally.  
  
About twenty minuets and two thirds of the vodka later she hared the door open and J walking down the steps, she just looked at him and he at her...  
  
This sure as hell would be a long night.

* * *

Gun pressed against my temple, my heart beating;

faster and faster...the end's too close.

You stood next to me...I'd happily take your place,

but when the trigger was pushed, you smiled, pushed me aside and smiled...BANG!!!

* * *

Phoebe shot up into a sitting position, her hear racing and her mind else where she took deep breaths trying to calm her near hysterical state. A hand, she felt on her shoulder, pulling away she stood from the small bed in the corner of the basement. Then realizing where she was she looked at the guy who was lay next to her, "J, I..."

He mover towards her, "Shush, you safe, it's fine..." she shook her head, which was absolutely pounding,

"Worse..." She managed to say, "The nightmares are worse"  
  
He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him she rested her head on his shoulder, as she shook, her body burning up, he felt this and whispered in her ear, "Come on, lets go up to the kitchen and get you sorted" She did not respond so he headed towards the stairs supporting her as she lent on him for support Physical, and emotional.  
  
Once up in the kitchen he walked over and sat her on the chair at the table...she rested her head on it as pictures flooded through her mind, emotionally drowning her...things were getting worse, J could tell as he hared the mumbling becoming shouts. He made his way over to the sink and dampened a cloth in cold water. As he did he happened to catch the time, ten past five, he then walked over to Phoebe who as he was halfway towards her pushed the chair back and stood up, before collapsing under the pressure her hands clasped around her exploding head.  
  
He pulled her up to her feet and helped her into the room with the couch, where he placed her down, sitting next to her he whipped her face and neck with the damp cloth...this seemed to calm her as she started to close her eyes again and rest her head on his chest. He put his arm around her and hushed her to sleep, she complied as she was once again forced into a unsettled sleep.

* * *

Paige was sat at the kitchen table, Piper across from her, there men had both left the night before unlike Andy who had stayed over. "See him, all over her again?" Paige spoke,

Piper looked over her coffee at the youngest, "Paige he has his arm around her, that's all" She spoke obviously reefing to Phoebe and J.

"I just do not want her to get hurt again, by him"

"And you think I want that, there is nothing we can do" Piper explained,

"You did not see how he treated her yesterday, or most other times in fact. I was the one she came to when they fight...I don't want to see her like that again"

Piper nodded, "Paige I understand, just back off a little hay..." Paige just nodded and stood to her feet...  
  
she walked over to the coffee pot pouring herself a cup as she spoke, "Yeah, maybe but Piper, you know that since she witnessed our Dad been murdered in front of her she has been vulnerable, and he is taking advantage...She saw our Dad die, and sat with him for hours, with his dead body in her arms. It messed her up Piper, and I just want to protect her..."  
  
It was then that Phoebe appeared in the door way, Paige stopped abruptly...Phoebe had hared, hared it all...


End file.
